True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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