Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
