remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
