My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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