I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
