i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
