He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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