The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
