Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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