drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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