and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
