if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
