So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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