I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Barsexuality is the new black.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
