She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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