I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
only you would photoshop your dick
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
