Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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