i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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