So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
