I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
