I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Farmville is her only friend.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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