Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This is not my ceiling
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
