he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
