You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
