I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
