All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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