i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
