I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
tonight lets celebrate not being married
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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