I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When are your genitals available?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
