Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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