Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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