I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
