If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world