Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked