how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"