dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...