let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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