So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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