How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
