i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
