every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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