I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
