the day after is always just damage control
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
