had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
