Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
