But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
