I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
