the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
where are my eyebrows?
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