we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
