do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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