Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
