Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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