3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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