Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
