you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.