she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............