she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.