Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car