a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think i have two assholes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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