YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
