It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
