Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
