did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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