we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
