It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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