I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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