Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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