Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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