Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
