I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
