im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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