Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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