He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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