You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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