We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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