i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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